I remember a jump off the end of a long dock into water much deeper and much colder than expected. I can still feel the shock of cold water, so cold I was disoriented and in full panic mode. I was flailing and didn’t know which way was up. Even now, so many decades later, that moment still feels endless. I feel like I need to stop and take a moment to shake my hands. To shake it off. In the confusion of the moment I tried to swim, to fight free of the water. It would be dramatic to say that swimming lessons saved me. I am pretty sure I would have risen up to the surface with energy to swim to shallow water. What did happen is that the voice of a swimming teacher came to me clearly in my struggle, so clear I knew what to do. You won’t sink, you will rise… and then I saw the sky, caught a breath and swam toward shore with all the energy of an adrenaline burst.
The shock of the cold water, the disorientation, the fear have parallels with the shock of the last year, of this life where every one of us were shoved unceremoniously into covid time. I think that I remembered this diving story now, as I was thinking about how to write about the impact of covid, because the experience of shock, disorientation, fear, and confusion are part of the covid experience.
As a mental health specialist I have had a somewhat unique opportunity to hear how covid has impacted the thoughts, feelings and behavior of many people, and I think that relaying what I have learned and heard may be helpful for others. While people often do not want to worry family or friends they speak what is on their mind in therapy. They talk about feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Those may be the two descriptive words I have heard in my (virtual) office – and in my daily life from those who are not my clients – more than any others since the beginning of covid time.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted you are in good company. How about cranky, short-tempered, just plain mad? Fearful, lonely, tearful? Frustrated? Impatient?
As we all begin adjusting to the shifting landscape of vaccines and falling covid rates, and a return to the new normal, whatever that will be, it is good to recognize that we have been through a lot. It may take time. Amidst the joy of being with others, being at events, anticipating the state fair, there will be moments for many of us that will be difficult, uncomfortable, anxiety ridden. I am sure that will be the case for me. It is the human experience.
Using the metaphor of jumping into the deep cold water; of shock, disorientation, panic, and then understanding and movement, I am thinking it is possible that we are heading toward the shallow water and the shore. It is not a perfect metaphor, but I like the idea of moving toward more solid ground.